i don’t want a ‘career’ ! i want to write sexy fanfiction for my internet friends <3
Some choice selections from TF2 wiki’s “non-player characters” page, which presumably are a lot funnier if you don’t know anything about TF2.
went to see if my late package maybe showed up without being scanned
but the post man yesterday said it would be here at ooooooooooone
is 9…………. post office closing time……. no pkg……………………………………………………… >:C
well at least i can skip my post office visit tomorrow
i mean what did i expect really
a package?
too unrealistic
amazon sent me a replacement for my lost package and it “arrived” today
omg she recognized me immediately and got nervous with me while checking the system using my name
she was just as distraught as me when it turned up “arriving tomorrow” again but then she had another idea
mail is dumb
The mail lady saying “NO. I REFUSE to say it again” was more climactic than the Braveheart speech.
oh my gosh, op’s bio says “The package was a laptop” which gives SUCH a new perspective
biblically accurate angel: ʙᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀғʀᴀɪᴅ
me, monsterfucker: *going up to give them a little kiss*
biblically accurate angel: ʙᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴀғʀᴀɪᴅ
this has been my favorite tag added to this thus far
when I make a small frivolous impulse purchase that is gollum winning the argument
Imagine an alien sharing a cool human fact they just learned like ”hey guys did you know that the silvery markings on humans actually aren’t true stripes? They’re called stretch marks, they happen when the human is growing fast enough to actually outgrow their skin, which is apparently something that just fucking happens to almost all of them at some point of their life.”
and another one is like ”wait so you’re saying humans don’t have stripes.”
”actually they do, but the stripes are invisible. There’s genetic code that’d give them stripes but they’re just the same colour as the rest of the skin. So the visible stripes are not real stripes and the real stripes are invisible.”
”I swear if you tell me one more weird human thing today I’m beating your ass.”
The human in the room looks up and goes "Wait I have stripes?"
"what do you mean cats can see them, but I can't?"
what do you fucking mean cats can see them
I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THOUGHT PROCESS
MY CAT THINKS I HAVE STRIPES?!?!?!?
NO NO ITS NOT "IT THINKS I HAVE THEM"
BECAUSE WE DO APPARENTLY
SO ITS ACTUALLY A VERY DISTRESSED "MY CAT THINKS I KNOW I HAVE STRIPES?!?!?!"
AND I THINK THATS A BIT WORSE TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST
MY CAT KNEW I HAD STRIPES BEFORE I DID?!?!?!?!?!?
I DIDNT THINK OF THAT
WELL I DID AND NOW I CANT UNTHINK IT
@beenovel @messiambrandybuck these are the variants
WHAT
apparently there's a disease where they become visable, and these are the most common kind??
Ngl it looks cool but???? I'm still in shock tbh
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT PATTERN OF STRIPES I HAVE AND THE CATS WON'T TELL ME
I COULD HAVE A CHECKERBOARD ON MY BACK AND NO ONE WOULD KNOW???
They’re called Blaschko's lines!!!
The reverse can also be true ... kinda.
I remember reading somehwre the human eye can see more shades of green than any other colour. I just googled it and the human eye can see 10 Million different shades of green.
So human could see stripes and patterns on, say, a reptillian race who maybe can’t see as many colours as we do, and think they’re just one boring shade of green.
Human: We have stripes?! I wish I could see them. I hope they look like yours.
Reptile Alien: Wait, I HAVE STRIPES!
*mutual excitement all around*
Remember that chromium is Chrome, Edge, Opera, and every other browser you can name other than Safari and Firefox
i hate you shein. i hate you wish. i hate you temu. i hate you aliexpress. i hate you fast fashion. i hate you consumerism. i hate you planned obsolescence. i hate you plastics.
i got this book The American Meadow Garden by John Greenlee from library and I had high hopes about it but unfortunately it's much more focused on design aesthetics than actual ecology, and makes some baffling incorrect statements
first of all, genus Rubus includes all brambles and other plants including raspberries and dewberries, second, North America does in fact have several native blackberries, and third, their aggressiveness is various. Allegheny blackberry behaves itself pretty well if you just cut it back.
WHY does this writer have such furious hatred for Canada goldenrod of all things. Solidago is basically THE best thing you can plant in North America to support bees.
I totally believe that it can be super aggressive (it's ultra invasive in areas of Asia) but maybe I'm biased, since my meadow began with the most miserable possible soil on Earth, and its ability to survive is a positive from my point of view.
Gardening books are bizarre experiences for me because their approach to the subject is usually so different from mine, they might as well be on Mars
like this? It's part of the school of thought that reasons, well, designing an aesthetically pleasing outdoor space is essentially the same as designing an aesthetically pleasing indoor space, a matter of choosing and arranging decorative elements according to design principles.
The obvious, incredibly important difference is that outdoors is alive and indoors is not. A lamp or a decorative vase is an inanimate object; a plant is a living creature with its own needs, behaviors and interests, and Nature herself is her own entity with her own relentless agenda.
While this book claims to provide an alternative to the lawn, it still adheres to the American lawn and garden philosophy, where your back yard is like another room of your house, just with decorative shrubs instead of curtains and grass instead of carpet.
But if the outdoors is like the interior of a house, the house is certainly haunted. The furniture moves by itself, the paintings change, the mirrors always reflect something different, and if you try to put down carpet, sometimes it will turn brown and then change into tile.
My coffee table sadly crumbled into sawdust, and I forgot to feed the couch some loose change, so the stuffing has deflated out of the cushions. However, the dining room chairs are doing great! There's 25 of them now. Does anyone need some chairs? It's getting a little hard to walk through the dining room...
another absolutely baffling thing most gardening books do is refer to plants exclusively by their genus name
Some genera include literally thousands of species, so I have no idea why anybody decided this was a good idea
Also, i'm in a state of perplexment at why goldenrod, yarrow, and blazing star are being referred to as "daisies."
I guess it's because they're in Asteraceae? my friend, everything is in Asteraceae
really bold to tell people to destroy Canada goldenrod on sight and then tell them to plant an invasive species
@the-real-lilac-elf and this is the problem with the aesthetics-based, interior-design-adjacent approach to gardening: it doesn't WORK
like, if you drive around neighborhoods and through towns you don't ever see gardens that look like in the gardening books, because an assortment of plants selected based on aesthetic appeal isn't necessarily going to Work together ecologically
you're going to have plants that are really poorly adapted to what you're trying to do, and you're going to have plants that are well adapted and they're going to become the main attraction because they spread and flourish whereas the poorly adapted ones kinda just Exist, if they survive at all.
And you're going to have weeds, which are Nature's contribution to the pile, and they are almost inevitably far better-adapted to a freshly created garden than anything you purposefully grow there, because weeds LOVE disturbance (like tilling, digging, weeding, ripping up sod, etc...)
And the thing about Outside is that it changes seasonally. So most the plants you picked out are only going to look the exact way you want them for a few months out of the year. Flowers stop blooming and leaves turn yellowy-brown and withered.
So this concept where a discrete number of plants are carefully chosen for Aesthetic...it's going to look like ass and it's going to make you sad because it takes a lot of work and the coneflowers look great when they're blooming but...the rest of the year the flower bed fills up with crabgrass and dandelions where those ornamental grasses died, and it just doesn't look good.
And so my approach has been totally, radically different. I don't do the whole "pick out a bunch of plants and arrange them in a visually appealing manner" thing.
You're not creating anything when you build a meadow. You're not God, you're just the Caretaker.
The gardening book recommends to entirely clear a patch of garden so you have a weed-free place to plant. "Why would I want to do that?" I think to myself, well aware that intense disturbance resets the process of succession and causes Weedmageddon. Anyway, weeds are important. They're great. I love weeds. I respect weeds. I selectively pull them as I introduce more plants to my meadow, but I try to avoid entirely clearing a place of weeds as much as possible. They're holding the soil in place, fixing compaction, stopping erosion, retaining moisture, and giving the little creatures a place to live, and they are the initial stage in the healing of a place to something more biodiverse. Weeds know what they're doing and they're damn good at it.
Prostrate Spurge is a terrible weed where I live. A bunch of it grew over a pile of bare dirt in my back yard. Early in spring, it was all a gross mat of dead rotting plant material. I peeled it up and the dirt underneath was perfectly light, soft, crumbly soil, protected perfectly from erosion and compaction. You could have planted a garden in it right away, with no need to till. I was amazed.
Not everything that grows as a weed is good. Most of the work I've been doing in my meadow is getting rid of Kentucky bluegrass—the bane of my existence! Contrary to the name, Kentucky bluegrass is NOT native to Kentucky and it is a scourge because it takes over and chokes out other plants!
But if I ripped or dug out all the grass? Erosion and lots of bare soil. I thought about it. Grasses need to be grazed. Otherwise they get really long and then form nasty rotting masses of dead grass and choke themselves (and everything else). I got myself some grass shears so I could selectively crop grass and leave the flowers mixed in.
Without even realizing it, I was doing exactly what bison did—preferentially grazing on grass, giving an advantage to flowering plants! Incredible! Of course, I can't turn the grass into nutritious manure, but not everyone can be a bison. I do pull some of the grass up by the roots, but only about 20% of the grass I remove, the rest is just snipped close to the ground.
I used the plants that naturally grew in the meadow as a starting point. Then I selectively pulled and trimmed back the "weediest" (most disturbance-loving) plants—adding in more plants as I did so. Asters, Goldenrod, and Chicory grew all by themselves. I left them to do their thing.
By rescuing plants from roadsides and parking lots, I unintentionally optimized my plant selection for weedy, tough characteristics—which is awesome, since they will thrive in the depleted, early-successional-stage site as it recovers from years of exhaustion and abuse. Blue Mistflower, Yarrow, Common Evening-primrose, and Wingstem appear to excel at hanging out with the Asters-and-goldenrod-stage community.
If I was making a system to group plants for inclusion in a meadow planting, I would rate them all by weediness (since you need a selection of tough disturbance enjoyers to really get things exploding with life early on) bloom time (since you want to always have SOMETHING blooming) growth habit (since you gotta fill space in three dimensions) and whether they prefer Dry or Wet (since this is the basic axis of variation upon which plants' preferences are plotted, after filtering for sun-loving plants that thrive in your region)
But a meadow is a journey, not a destination. It's not a matter of buying $700 in plants and then having your result after a weekend's work, you have to work with the site and care for it over months and years, introducing new plant biodiversity bit by bit.
it would be so cool to have an elephant fuck with your shit like just once i wanna be doing paperwork at a desk and an elephant trunk just moseys on over across the desk and starts moving stuff around and greabbing my pen and slapping my face and shit. would be awesome
Unironically, it would be so cool to be pranked by an elephant.